Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood — The Foundation of Leadership

When I heard the phrase, “Seek first to understand then to be understood,” it stopped me in my tracks. At the time, I was struggling, not just as a leader but as a human being. I was too caught up in proving myself and making others see things my way. I didn’t realize that my relentless focus on being understood was blinding me to the power of understanding others first.

The principle—”seek first to understand then to be understood​” made famous by Stephen Covey in his landmark book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People—revolutionized how I communicated and led others. It’s not just Habit 5 of Covey’s Seven Habits; it’s a mindset shift that can transform relationships, organizations, and, ultimately, you as an individual.

Today, I carry a “seek first to understand then to be understood​” perspective into everything I do, from coaching productive multi-million-dollar executive teams to helping leaders and managers break through barriers holding them back. But it wasn’t always this way. There was a pivotal moment in my life when I learned first-hand why seeking to understand before seeking to be understood is the backbone of servant leadership. Go on for tips, insights, and advice on how to apply seek first to understand then to be understood​ tactics in your management style.

How I apply the seek first to understand then to be understood​ leadership success model

Applying the seek first to understand then to be understood​ leadership success model

As a leadership coach who has overcome significant personal challenges to become a successful businessman, executive, and servant leader, I’ve learned that one of the most powerful habits for effective leadership is to seek first to understand then to be understood. This principle, popularized by Stephen Covey, has been instrumental in my journey from struggle to success.

Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood: A Leadership Guide

My approach to leadership and personal relationships transformed when I understood the importance of empathetic listening. As someone who battled addiction and faced numerous setbacks, I realized that my path to recovery and success began when I started to truly listen and understand others before asserting my views.

The habit of seeking to understand before being understood is not just about communication; it’s about building trust, fostering empathy, and creating an environment where everyone feels valued. As a servant leader, I’ve found that this approach is crucial for developing strong teams and nurturing personal growth.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

This habit, the fifth in Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” has been a game-changer in my leadership style. It’s about more than just hearing words; it’s about understanding the emotions and intentions behind them. When we seek first to be understood, we often listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. This can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities.

By practicing the art of seeking to understand before seeking to be understood, leaders can:

1. Build stronger relationships
2. Make more informed decisions
3. Foster a culture of openness and trust
4. Enhance problem-solving capabilities
5. Improve team collaboration

As an entrepreneur and coach, I’ve seen how this habit can transform individuals and organizations. It’s not always easy, especially when we’re passionate about our ideas, but the rewards are immeasurable.

From Understanding to Action

Once we seek first to understand, we’re in a much better position to be understood. This approach allows us to communicate our ideas more effectively, as we’ve already gained insight into the other person’s perspective.

Remember, the goal is not to manipulate or win an argument but to create win-win situations where all parties feel heard and valued. This is the essence of servant leadership and the foundation of highly effective teams.

As you embark on your journey to seek first to understand then be understood, remember that it’s a skill that requires practice and patience. Start by focusing on active listening in your daily interactions. Pay attention to the words, emotions, and non-verbal cues.

By making this habit part of your leadership style, you’ll become a more effective leader and inspire those around you to adopt this powerful approach. As someone who has experienced the transformative power of this habit, I can attest to its ability to improve lives and organizations.

True understanding is the first step towards meaningful change and lasting success. Let’s commit to seeking first to understand then to be understood, and watch as it transforms our leadership and lives.

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Resources supporting the seek first to understand then to be understood​ mindset:

1. How to Master Your Emotions
2. Personal Development School Classes & Training
3. Self Mastery Guide to the Mind & Emotions
4. Finding Life Purpose
5. Best Self-Improver Habits and Strategies
6. Self-Esteem Worksheets, Handouts & Activities
7. Overcoming Deep-Rooted Beliefs
8. Benefits of Journaling for Self-Growth
9. Self-Love Journal for Success
10. Personal Development Plan Template
11. Journaling for Emotional Healing
12. Daily 5-Minute Gratitude Journal Prompts

Continue with the benefits, why and how to turn on your seek first to understand then to be understood​ mindset. Find answers to:

• What are the best 5 Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood​ Tips?
• Why Seeking Understanding First is Revolutionary?
• How to Practice “Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood?”
• Why is the “seek first to understand then to be understood​” principle the heart of servant leadership?
• A Real-Life “seek first to understand then to be understood​” Example from We Level Up
• Making “seek first to understand then to be understood​” a Habit Today

Leadership guide to seek first to understand then to be understood​

As a servant leadership expert who has overcome significant personal challenges to help build a successful 9-figure business, I’ve learned that one of the most powerful principles for effective leadership is to seek first to understand then to be understood. This approach, which I’ve integrated into my leadership style and coaching practice, has been transformative in my personal and professional life.

From the moment I understood the importance of genuinely listening and empathizing with others before expressing my thoughts, I saw a dramatic improvement in my relationships, decision-making, and overall leadership effectiveness. This principle, habit 5 of Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” is not just about communication—it’s about building trust, fostering empathy, and creating an environment where everyone feels valued and heard.

In my experience coaching leaders and organizations, I’ve found that those who seek to understand before seeking to be understood are more successful in navigating complex challenges, building strong teams, and driving sustainable growth. This approach requires patience, humility, and a genuine desire to see things from others’ perspectives. It’s about suspending judgment, asking thoughtful questions, and genuinely listening to the answers.

By adopting this mindset, leaders can create a culture of openness, trust, and collaboration. When team members feel understood, they’re more likely to engage fully, share ideas, and work together towards common goals. This improves productivity and innovation and enhances employee satisfaction and retention.

Remember, the goal is not just to be understood but to first understand others deeply. Only then can we effectively communicate our ideas in a way that resonates with our audience. This powerful habit has been a cornerstone of my success in building and leading organizations, and I believe it can be transformative for any leader willing to embrace it.

How to Practice “Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood”

Understanding the “seek first to understand then to be understood​” principle intellectually is one thing; putting it into practice can initially feel uncomfortable. Here are some actionable steps to start living this habit personally and professionally.

1. Listen Without Interrupting

This one can be tough—especially for leaders used to being in control. Make a conscious effort to remain silent as the other person speaks. Instead of planning your reply, focus on their words, tone, and body language.

2. Ask Questions That Dig Deeper

When someone shares their perspective, don’t settle for surface-level understanding. Ask questions like, “Can you elaborate on that?” or “What led you to feel that way?” These demonstrate genuine curiosity and help you gather richer insights.

3. Repeat Back What You Hear

Summarize what the person has shared with phrases like, “If I’m hearing you correctly, you’re saying…” This ensures you’ve understood accurately and shows the other person they’ve been heard.

4. Suspend Your Judgment

It’s natural to evaluate and critique as you listen. However, resisting the urge to judge the other person’s perspective creates the openness needed for meaningful communication.

5. Be Fully Present

Put away distractions. Silence your phone, shut your laptop, and give the person your full attention. Presence is powerful—it shows the other person they have your respect and focus.

6. When It’s Your Turn to Speak, Be Clear

Once you’ve sought to understand, you’ll find that expressing your viewpoint is much easier and more impactful. State your perspective clearly and concisely, building on the foundation of trust you’ve established.

Why This Principle is the Heart of Servant Leadership

The leaders I admire most aren’t shouting orders from the top—they’re the ones with their sleeves rolled up, working alongside the team, constantly listening, learning, and improving.

When we seek first to understand, we show humility. We admit we don’t have all the answers, and that’s okay. Servant leadership is about creating an environment where people can thrive, and the key to that is understanding their needs first.

A Real-Life Example from We Level Up

At We Level Up Behavioral Health Centers, this principle, to seek first to understand then to be understood​, wasn’t just a theory—it became a practice that transformed our workplace culture. When we transitioned to a more collaborative model, our team members felt genuinely heard, and the results were undeniable. Morale improved, communication “bottlenecks” disappeared, and our client outcomes soared.

Make “seek first to understand then to be understood​” a Habit Today

“Seek first to understand then to be understood” isn’t simply a catchy quote—it’s a habit that, when practiced consistently, fosters better relationships, stronger teams, and, ultimately, extraordinary success. Whether you’re a leader, coach, business owner, or personal growth enthusiast, this principle can transform how you engage with those around you. Add this habit to my best self-improver habits for transformational results in your work and life.

If you’re ready to take your leadership skills to the next level, I invite you to join me. Together, we’ll explore how these habits—and other proven strategies for servant leadership—can help you achieve personal and professional breakthroughs.